dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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