Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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