My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
