I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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