I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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