After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
