It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
