this just has baby written all over it
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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