I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
