McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
