Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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