im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
