I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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