I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize