ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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