cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Two words: nipple clamps
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