A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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