so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
