So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
