everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
