can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
