I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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