Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
