...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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