You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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