At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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