My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
