angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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