Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
