I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
