dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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