At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
