fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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