So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
