I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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