youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
