You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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