I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Terrible idea I love it
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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