we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
