I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
