so explain again why im purple
no
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
