Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize