I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
