He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i came on her dog
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
as a side note pls kill me
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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