I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
