he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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