Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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