Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
