you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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