if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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