YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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