You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just blew my weed a kiss
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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