I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
