O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
