I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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