I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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