I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
