We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
