My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
