he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
