I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
