Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
