question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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