dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
