On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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