Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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