He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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