i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
