Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
