well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize