I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
