So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
